Vicar Sexy Sal Blonde Joke Friday Funnies #120

 This weeks Friday Funnies is all about a small town who just love their Vicar and can’t stand the thought that they may lose him to a bigger congregation. The following joke just goes to show how much they love the guy.

At Sunday church the local Vicar explains that he must move on to a larger congregation that will pay him more. There is a hush within the congregation.

No one wants him to leave because he is so popular.

How Do We Keep The Vicar

Fred Smith, who owns several car dealerships in Glasgow, stands up and proclaims, ‘If the Vicar stays, I will provide him with a new Mercedes every year and his wife with a Volkswagen mini-van to transport their children!’ vicar joke

The congregation sighs in appreciation and applauds.

Sam Brown, a successful entrepreneur and publican, stands and says, if the Vicar will stay on here, I’ll personally double his salary and establish a foundation to guarantee private secondary school education for all of his children!’

More sighs and loud applause. 

Agnes Jones, age 88, stands and announces with a smile, ‘If the Vicar stays, I will give him free sex.’

There is total silence.

The Preacher, blushing, asks her, ‘Mrs Jones, you’re a wonderful and holy lady, whatever possessed you to say that?’

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Sex The Church And Virgins Friday Funny #119

A young couple wanted to join the church, the priest told them, ‘We have a special requirement for new member couples. You must Abstain from sex for one whole month.’
The couple agreed, but after two-and-a-half weeks returned to the Church.

When the priest ushered them into his office, the wife was crying and the husband was obviously very depressed.

‘You are back so soon…Is there a problem?’ the priest inquired.

‘We are terribly ashamed to admit that we did not manage to abstain from sex for the required month.’ The young man replied sadly

The priest asked him what happened.

‘Well, the first week was difficult… However, we managed to abstain through sheer willpower.

The second week was terrible, but with the use of prayer, we managed to abstain.
However, the third week was unbearable.

We tried cold showers, Prayer, reading from the Bible….anything to keep our minds off Carnal Thoughts.

One afternoon my wife reached for a can of paint and dropped it.When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and I just had my way with her right then and there.

It was lustful, loud, passionate sex. It lasted for over an hour and when we were done we were both drenched in sweat,’ admitted the man, shamefacedly.

The priest lowered his head and said sternly, ‘You understand this means you will not be welcome in our church.’

‘We know.’ said the young man, hanging his head, ‘We’re not welcome at Bunnings, either.’

sex and the virgin

Scary Runaway Train Prank

If you’re looking for more laughs check out this weeks Sports Golf Joke Of The Week.

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The Irish Cop Friday Funnies #118

Hey guys, did you see last weeks Saturday’s Friday Funnies. Yep, I didn’t have time to post it on Friday so I posted it on Saturday instead. I know i’m biased but I reckon it was pretty bloody funny. If you haven’t read it yet you should head on over and give it a read.

As it happens that particular Friday Funnies was full of Irish jokes. I wasn’t planning on writing another Irish joke so close to the last one but I couldn’t help myself when I got this one in the mail. It is ROLF hilarious! :lol_tb:  

The Irish Cop

A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by an Irish cop. He thinks that he is much smarter than any cop because he is a lawyer from LONDON, and is certain that he has a better education then any Irish cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the cop’s expense!

The Irish cop says,”License and registration, please.”

The London Lawyer says, “What for?”

The Irish cop says, “Ye didn’t come to a complete stop at the stop sign.”

The London Lawyer says, “I slowed down, and no one was coming.”

The Irish cop says, “Ye still didn’t come to a complete stop. License and registration, please, sir.”

The London Lawyer says, “What’s the bloody difference?”

The Irish cop says, “The difference is, the sign says stop, not slow down, so, ye havte come to a complete stop, that’s the law. License and registration, please!”

The London Lawyer says, “If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I’ll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don’t give me the ticket.”

The Irish cop says, “Sounds fair enough, please exit your vehicle, sir.”

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