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Friday Funnies #31, Making Love To Ghosts And Johnny Depp

As another week tolls on by, and rather quickly I may add, it’s time to shake off those working blues and start off the weekend with another Friday Funnies.You know I am so happy that I started this series because it one of the few posts that brings a lot of people back to WassupBlog on a regular basis. It’s so nice to see the regular faces, for those of you who use gravatars, and if you don’t you really should. Why? I’m so glad you asked. :wink_ee: Reading the post When Will You People Get A Damn Gravatar should answer your question.

Now, back to Friday Funnies, after all, that is what we’re all here for right?

Having Sex With A Ghost

I heard this one ages ago, it made me laugh then and it did it again now.

A professor at Wayne State University in Detroit was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies.

To get a feel for his audience, he asks, “How many people here believe in ghosts?”Ghost Lake - by Dita

About 90 students raise their hands.

“Well, that’s a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?”

About 40 students raise their hands.

“That’s really good. I’m really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?”

About 15 students raise their hand.

“Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?”

Three students raise their hands.

“That’s fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further…Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?”

Way in the back, some bloke raises his hand.

The professor takes off his glasses and says, “Son, all the years I’ve been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You’ve got to come up here and tell us about your experience.”

The redneck replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium. When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, “So, tell us what it’s like to have sex with a ghost?”

The bloke replied, “Ghost! Shit, from way back there I thought you said Goats.” :lol_tb:

Taking Care In Public Toilets

And finally something from everybody’s favourite, Aunty Acid and how she would like to meet Johnny Depp.

Aunti Acid and Johnny Depp

Sounds like something that Phyllis Diller would say doesn’t it?

Have a great weekend guys. Don’t forget to give this post a plug and see you all next week.

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Friday Funnies #30 Making A Woman & More

Before I get to this weeks Friday Funnies, which I know you’re going to love, I want to remind all the bloggers out there, the ones that wish they had some help with their keyword research, about the huge special on one of the best SEO tools out there. The post is called Buying Market Samurai At A Really Good Price!

OK, now that I’ve gotten that out of the way I’m about to get myself into trouble with this weeks Friday Funnies. When I say in trouble, naturally I mean with the women, because I know all the men out there are really going to love this one  :smoke_tb:

Do you guys remember that post About Understanding Men that I wrote a few weeks ago? Well, I figured that this week I would write one all about someone from the fairer sex feel like a woman!

MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A WOMAN !!

On a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm.

The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning.

One woman, in particular, loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. ‘I’m too young to die,’ she wails.

Then she yells, ‘If I’m going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?’

For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril. They all stare, eyes riveted, at this desperate woman in the front of the plane.

Then a Jackeroo from Australia stands up in the rear of the plane. He is handsome, well built, with dark brown hair and blue eyes.

He starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt, one button at a time.

No one moves. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest. (Must be because he is an Aussie!  :tongue_laugh_ee: Sorry, I had to throw that in….back to the joke)

She gasps.

He whispers ………………..

‘Iron this. Then get me a beer’.

:lol_ee: Wouldn’t you love to be a fly on the wall in a situation like that. I wonder how long after she picked her jaw up off the floor before she gave that guy what for?  :ponder_tb:

Now for this weeks funny video!

Best Of Just For Laughs Gags

Now, just to finish off here is some wise words from Auntie Acid.

Auntie Acid takes no shit from anyone

You know, I didn’t even know Auntie Acid existed until I got all these images in an email and then I posted one in a Friday Funnies series and I’ve been getting all this feedback from people telling me that just love the Aunty Acid cartoons! Well, you’ll be happy to know that I have a few more left so I’ll keep posting them in future Friday Funnies posts.  :drunk_tb:

 

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Friday Funnies #29 Is All About Call Centers

Have you ever thought how frustrating it must be for those poor guys man those call centers? Poor bastards. Sure they must get a legitimate caller every now and again and they probably breathe a sigh of relief when that happens. As for the rest of them, just try to imagine what it must be like dealing with hundreds of morons who shouldn’t be allowed to own anything more technical than a potato peeler. Heck some people probably shouldn’t even own one of those.

I reckon that’s why most call centers are moved overseas! sure they want to save money, but for the most part it’s because our call center operators aren’t able to put up with anymore crap.Anyway, for this weeks Friday Funnies I thought I would reproduce a few actual call center conversations.

Actual Call Center Conversations !

Customer: ‘I’ve been ringing 0800 2100 for two days and can’t get through to inquiries, can you help?’.
Operator: ‘Where did you get that number from, sir?’.
Customer: ‘It was on the door to the Travel Center’.
Operator: ‘Sir, they are our opening hours’.
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —

Samsung Electronics
Caller: ‘Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?’
Operator: ‘I’m sorry, sir, I don’t understand who you are talking about’.
Caller: ‘On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?’
Operator: ‘I think you mean the telephone point on the wall’.
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —-

RAC Motoring Services
Caller: ‘Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am traveling in Australia ?’
Operator: ‘ Doesn’t the product name give you a clue?’
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —-
Caller (inquiring about legal requirements while traveling in France ):
‘If I register my car in France , do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?’
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —-

Directory Inquiries
Caller: ‘I’d like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please’.
Operator: ‘I’m sorry, there’s no listing. Is the spelling correct?’
Caller: ‘Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the ‘B’ fell off’.
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —-
Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: ‘Woven? Are you sure?’
Caller: ‘Yes. That’s what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland ‘.
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —-
On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator:
‘I haven’t got a pen, so I’m steaming up the window to write the number on’..
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —-

Tech Support: ‘I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop’.
Customer: ‘OK’.
Tech Support: ‘Did you get a pop-up menu?’.
Customer: ‘No’.
Tech Support: ‘OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?’
Customer: ‘No’.
Tech Support: ‘OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?’.
Customer: ‘Sure.. You told me to write ‘click’ and I wrote ‘click”.
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —-
Tech Support: ‘OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the ‘OK’ button displayed?’
Customer: ‘Wow. How can you see my screen from there?’
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —-
Caller: ‘I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realized that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back again?’.
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —- ———— ——— ——— ——— —-

There’s always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for ‘Termination without Cause’.
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations! ):

Operator: ‘Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?’
Caller: ‘Yes, well, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect.’
Operator: ‘What sort of trouble??’
Caller: ‘Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.’
Operator: ‘Went away?’
Caller: ‘They disappeared.’
Operator: ‘Hmm So what does your screen look like now?’
Caller: ‘Nothing.’
Operator: ‘Nothing??’
Caller: ‘It’s blank; it won’t accept anything when I type.’
Operator: ‘Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??’
Caller: ‘How do I tell?’
Operator: ‘Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??’
Caller: ‘What’s a sea-prompt?’
Operator: ‘Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?’
Caller: ‘There isn’t any cursor: I told you, it won’t accept anything I type.’
Operator: ‘Does your monitor have a power indicator??’
Caller: ‘What’s a monitor?’
Operator: ‘It’s the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it’s on??’
Caller: ‘I don’t know.’
Operator: ‘Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??’
Caller: ‘Yes, I think so.’
Operator: ‘Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it’s plugged into the wall.
Caller: ‘Yes, it is.’
Operator: ‘When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??’
Caller: ‘No.’
Operator: ‘Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable…’
Caller: ‘Okay, here it is.’
Operator: ‘Follow it for me, and tell me if it’s plugged securely into the back of your computer.’
Caller: ‘I can’t reach.’
Operator: ‘Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??’
Caller: ‘No.’
Operator: ‘Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??’
Caller: ‘Oh, it’s not because I don’t have the right angle – it’s because it’s dark.’
Operator: ‘Dark??’
Caller: ‘Yes – the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.
‘ Operator: ‘Well, turn on the office light then.’
Caller: ‘I can’t.’
Operator: ‘No? Why not??’
Caller: ‘Because there’s a power failure.’
Operator: ‘A power……. .. A power failure? Aha, Okay, we’ve got it licked now.
Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??’
Caller: ‘Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.’
Operator: ‘Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from..’
Caller: ‘Really? Is it that bad?’
Operator: ‘Yes, I’m afraid it is.’
Caller: ‘Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??’
Operator: ‘Tell them you’re too f — ing stupid to own a computer!!!!

Now tell the truth, you’re feeling a bit more compassion for those call center guys now aren’t you? :tongue_laugh_ee: Naturally we all get pissed when we’re trying to resolve an issue and we get someone on the other line who has an accent we can’t understand and we all blame those overseas call centers, but is it really their fault?

An Indian Call Center Conversation ;)

And just to finish off here is a little something from Aunty Acid, who as you know doesn’t take any crap.  :laugh_tb:

Aunty Acid Cartoon about crap

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Friday Funnies # 28 Understanding Men

Welcome to the latest Friday Funnies guys. Here’s hoping it puts a smile on your face and starts you off on a great weekend. As my last Friday Funnies post was pretty well all about blondes I thought I would make this one all abut men. Besides, it seems that lately I’ve been concentrating too much on the ladies and most of those times I’ve been getting into trouble, usually because I’ve said the wrong thing or something.

You know guys, we always seem to think that the reason we don’t get women is because they’re a real mystery to us. Could it be that women want it that way? Think about it! If they really wanted us to know what how they tick they would have produced a bloody manual by now wouldn’t they. :tongue_laugh_ee: Anyway, just so the gals can’t say the same thing about us I’m going to put this out there for everyone to see.

Understanding Men Men Need Rules

Yep, that’s all there is to us ladies. We need rules, and just you know what they are I’m going to lay them all out for you.

These are our rules! Please note.. these are all numbered ‘1’ ON PURPOSE !

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work ! Strong hints do not work ! Obvious hints do not work ! Just say it !

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions, and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have NO idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say ‘nothing,’ We will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely ANYTHING you wear is fine… Really.

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Football or motor sports.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape !

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight. But did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping. :tongue_laugh_ee:

Pass this to as many men as you can –
to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can –

to give them a bigger laugh.

There you have it ladies, as long as you abide by those rules we’re going to get along just fine. And of course you know the best way to pass it onto your mates is by using one of the social sharing icons floating on the right there. :thumbup_ee:

Now, how many of you play peek a boo with your baby? Don’t ever, ever let them find out you’ve never left the room.

peek a boo baby

And finally, just to prove all men aren’t stupid :day_dreaming:

That’s it guys. You know what to do now don’t you? That’s right, leave a comment and promote the hell out of it. :smoke_tb:

 

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About Peter Pelliccia"