Hey guys, oh my how time flies when your having fun. You were having fun weren’t you? Oh right, it’s been a hard week at the grind stone and you’ve come here for your weekly dose of laughs. Man, I sure hope I don’t disappoint you because it’s going to be pretty hard to top last weeks Friday Funnies. Still, I pulled out all the stops and I reckon you’re going to this weeks selection of jokes.
Knowing how much you guys love Irish jokes I thought I would start off with one about a few Irishmen who have decided to have sex with Fanny Green.
An Irish man went to confession in St. Patrick’s Catholic Church.
‘Father’, he confessed, ‘it has been one month since my last confession. I had sex with Fanny Green twice last month.’
The priest told the sinner, ‘You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Mary’s.
‘Soon thereafter, another Irish man entered the confessional. ‘Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I’ve had sex with Fanny Green twice a week for the past two months.’
This time, the priest questioned, ‘Who is this Fanny Green?’
‘A new woman in the neighborhood,’ the sinner replied.
‘Very well,’ sighed the priest. Go and say ten Hail Mary’s.
At mass the next morning, as the priest prepared to deliver the sermon, a tall, voluptuous, drop-dead gorgeous redheaded woman entered the sanctuary.
The eyes of every man in the church fell upon her as she slowly sashayed up the aisle and sat down right in front of the priest. Her dress was green and very short, and she wore matching, shiny emerald-green shoes.
The priest and the altar boy gasped as the woman in the green dress and matching green shoes sat with her legs spread slightly apart, but just enough to realize she wasn’t wearing any underwear.
The priest turned to the altar boy and whispered, ‘Is that Fanny Green?’
The bug-eyed altar boy couldn’t believe his ears but managed to calmly reply,
‘No Father, I think it’s just a reflection from her shoes’.
And now from sex with Fanny Green we go to a funny gag video featuring two make believe hookers.
And finally a word or two from everyone’s favorite, Aunty Acid.
As another week tolls on by, and rather quickly I may add, it’s time to shake off those working blues and start off the weekend with another Friday Funnies.You know I am so happy that I started this series because it one of the few posts that brings a lot of people back to WassupBlog on a regular basis. It’s so nice to see the regular faces, for those of you who use gravatars, and if you don’t you really should. Why? I’m so glad you asked. Reading the post When Will You People Get A Damn Gravatar should answer your question.
Now, back to Friday Funnies, after all, that is what we’re all here for right?
Having Sex With A Ghost
I heard this one ages ago, it made me laugh then and it did it again now.
A professor at Wayne State University in Detroit was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies.
To get a feel for his audience, he asks, “How many people here believe in ghosts?”
About 90 students raise their hands.
“Well, that’s a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?”
About 40 students raise their hands.
“That’s really good. I’m really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?”
About 15 students raise their hand.
“Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?”
Three students raise their hands.
“That’s fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further…Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?”
Way in the back, some bloke raises his hand.
The professor takes off his glasses and says, “Son, all the years I’ve been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You’ve got to come up here and tell us about your experience.”
The redneck replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium. When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, “So, tell us what it’s like to have sex with a ghost?”
The bloke replied, “Ghost! Shit, from way back there I thought you said Goats.”
Taking Care In Public Toilets
And finally something from everybody’s favourite, Aunty Acid and how she would like to meet Johnny Depp.
Sounds like something that Phyllis Diller would say doesn’t it?
Have a great weekend guys. Don’t forget to give this post a plug and see you all next week.
Before I get to this weeks Friday Funnies, which I know you’re going to love, I want to remind all the bloggers out there, the ones that wish they had some help with their keyword research, about the huge special on one of the best SEO tools out there. The post is called Buying Market Samurai At A Really Good Price!
OK, now that I’ve gotten that out of the way I’m about to get myself into trouble with this weeks Friday Funnies. When I say in trouble, naturally I mean with the women, because I know all the men out there are really going to love this one
Do you guys remember that post About Understanding Men that I wrote a few weeks ago? Well, I figured that this week I would write one all about someone from the fairer sex feel like a woman!
MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A WOMAN !!
On a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm.
The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning.
One woman, in particular, loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. ‘I’m too young to die,’ she wails.
Then she yells, ‘If I’m going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?’
For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril. They all stare, eyes riveted, at this desperate woman in the front of the plane.
Then a Jackeroo from Australia stands up in the rear of the plane. He is handsome, well built, with dark brown hair and blue eyes.
He starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt, one button at a time.
No one moves. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest. (Must be because he is an Aussie! Sorry, I had to throw that in….back to the joke)
He whispers ………………..
‘Iron this. Then get me a beer’.
Wouldn’t you love to be a fly on the wall in a situation like that. I wonder how long after she picked her jaw up off the floor before she gave that guy what for?
Now for this weeks funny video!
Best Of Just For Laughs Gags
Now, just to finish off here is some wise words from Auntie Acid.
You know, I didn’t even know Auntie Acid existed until I got all these images in an email and then I posted one in a Friday Funnies series and I’ve been getting all this feedback from people telling me that just love the Aunty Acid cartoons! Well, you’ll be happy to know that I have a few more left so I’ll keep posting them in future Friday Funnies posts.
Have you ever thought how frustrating it must be for those poor guys man those call centers? Poor bastards. Sure they must get a legitimate caller every now and again and they probably breathe a sigh of relief when that happens. As for the rest of them, just try to imagine what it must be like dealing with hundreds of morons who shouldn’t be allowed to own anything more technical than a potato peeler. Heck some people probably shouldn’t even own one of those.
I reckon that’s why most call centers are moved overseas! sure they want to save money, but for the most part it’s because our call center operators aren’t able to put up with anymore crap.Anyway, for this weeks Friday Funnies I thought I would reproduce a few actual call center conversations.
Actual Call Center Conversations !
Customer: ‘I’ve been ringing 0800 2100 for two days and can’t get through to inquiries, can you help?’. Operator: ‘Where did you get that number from, sir?’. Customer: ‘It was on the door to the Travel Center’. Operator: ‘Sir, they are our opening hours’. ———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —
Samsung Electronics Caller: ‘Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?’ Operator: ‘I’m sorry, sir, I don’t understand who you are talking about’. Caller: ‘On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?’ Operator: ‘I think you mean the telephone point on the wall’. ———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —-
RAC Motoring Services Caller: ‘Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am traveling in Australia ?’ Operator: ‘ Doesn’t the product name give you a clue?’ ———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —- Caller (inquiring about legal requirements while traveling in France ): ‘If I register my car in France , do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?’ ———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —-
Directory Inquiries Caller: ‘I’d like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please’. Operator: ‘I’m sorry, there’s no listing. Is the spelling correct?’ Caller: ‘Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the ‘B’ fell off’. ———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —- Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven. Operator: ‘Woven? Are you sure?’ Caller: ‘Yes. That’s what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland ‘. ———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —- On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator: ‘I haven’t got a pen, so I’m steaming up the window to write the number on’.. ———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —-
Tech Support: ‘I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop’. Customer: ‘OK’. Tech Support: ‘Did you get a pop-up menu?’. Customer: ‘No’. Tech Support: ‘OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?’ Customer: ‘No’. Tech Support: ‘OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?’. Customer: ‘Sure.. You told me to write ‘click’ and I wrote ‘click”. ———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —- Tech Support: ‘OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the ‘OK’ button displayed?’ Customer: ‘Wow. How can you see my screen from there?’ ———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —- Caller: ‘I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realized that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back again?’. ———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —- ———— ——— ——— ——— —-
There’s always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for ‘Termination without Cause’. Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations! ):
Operator: ‘Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?’ Caller: ‘Yes, well, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect.’ Operator: ‘What sort of trouble??’ Caller: ‘Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.’ Operator: ‘Went away?’ Caller: ‘They disappeared.’ Operator: ‘Hmm So what does your screen look like now?’ Caller: ‘Nothing.’ Operator: ‘Nothing??’ Caller: ‘It’s blank; it won’t accept anything when I type.’ Operator: ‘Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??’ Caller: ‘How do I tell?’ Operator: ‘Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??’ Caller: ‘What’s a sea-prompt?’ Operator: ‘Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?’ Caller: ‘There isn’t any cursor: I told you, it won’t accept anything I type.’ Operator: ‘Does your monitor have a power indicator??’ Caller: ‘What’s a monitor?’ Operator: ‘It’s the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it’s on??’ Caller: ‘I don’t know.’ Operator: ‘Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??’ Caller: ‘Yes, I think so.’ Operator: ‘Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it’s plugged into the wall. Caller: ‘Yes, it is.’ Operator: ‘When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??’ Caller: ‘No.’ Operator: ‘Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable…’ Caller: ‘Okay, here it is.’ Operator: ‘Follow it for me, and tell me if it’s plugged securely into the back of your computer.’ Caller: ‘I can’t reach.’ Operator: ‘Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??’ Caller: ‘No.’ Operator: ‘Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??’ Caller: ‘Oh, it’s not because I don’t have the right angle – it’s because it’s dark.’ Operator: ‘Dark??’ Caller: ‘Yes – the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window. ‘ Operator: ‘Well, turn on the office light then.’ Caller: ‘I can’t.’ Operator: ‘No? Why not??’ Caller: ‘Because there’s a power failure.’ Operator: ‘A power……. .. A power failure? Aha, Okay, we’ve got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??’ Caller: ‘Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.’ Operator: ‘Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from..’ Caller: ‘Really? Is it that bad?’ Operator: ‘Yes, I’m afraid it is.’ Caller: ‘Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??’ Operator: ‘Tell them you’re too f — ing stupid to own a computer!!!!
Now tell the truth, you’re feeling a bit more compassion for those call center guys now aren’t you? Naturally we all get pissed when we’re trying to resolve an issue and we get someone on the other line who has an accent we can’t understand and we all blame those overseas call centers, but is it really their fault?
An Indian Call Center Conversation ;)
And just to finish off here is a little something from Aunty Acid, who as you know doesn’t take any crap.
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