Funniest Cat Joke Friday Funnies #360

Funniest cat joke? I get a lot emails containing jokes from my friends. So many that its kept Friday Funnies going for years. Today’s email is one of the funniest cat jokes, so funny that I had to include it in this weeks Friday Funnies post.

Funniest Cat Joke Ever

funniest cat joke

We were dressed and ready to go out for a dinner & theatre evening.

We turned on a ‘night light’, turned the answering machine on, covered
our pet parrot and put the cat in the backyard.  We phoned the local
taxi company and requested a taxi.  The taxi arrived, and we opened
the front door to leave the house.  As we walked out the door, the cat
we had put out in the yard scooted back into the house.

We didn’t want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to
get at the parrot.  My wife walked on out to the taxi, while I went
back inside to get the cat.  The cat ran upstairs, with me in hot
pursuit.

Waiting in the cab, my wife didn’t want the driver to know that the
house would be empty for the night so, she explained to the taxi
driver that I would be out soon.  “He’s just going upstairs to say
good-by to my mother.”

A few minutes later, I got into the cab.

“Sorry I took so long,” I said, as we drove away.

“That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her ass
with a coat hanger to get her to come out. She tried to take off, so I
grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep
her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her downstairs and
threw her out into the backyard! She’d better not shit in the
vegetable garden again!”

The silence in the Taxi was deafening.

Now, if that isn’t the funniest cat joke ever just let me know in the comments below.😎

Looking For More?

You’re here, reading this post because you’re someone who loves, or is looking for laughs right? So, why not check out my other Friday Funnies posts

You should also check out my Laughaholics Videos, especially my funniest Greek joke video. You’ll find heaps of funny videos there. You may even want to subscribe to my channel. I’m always looking for new subscribers.

Jokes aside, if you would like to improve the quality of your photos you will love my How to remove background from images.

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Barbecue Humour Friday Funnies #359

My first barbecue humour! I came across a couple of emails that I thought would be great for this weeks Friday Funnies which I’ve called barbecue humour because they both revolve around the humble barbecue.

Barbecue Humour – BBQ Rules

barbecue humour

We are about to enter the BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity . When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:

(1) The woman buys the food.

(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.

(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill – beer in hand.

(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three-meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.

Here comes the important part:
(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

(6) The woman goes inside to organise the plates and cutlery.

(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat

Important again:
(8) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.

(10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes

And most important of all:
(11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.

(12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed ‘ her night off ‘, and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there’s just no pleasing some women

Yeah, it doesn’t matter what we do for these women they’re never happy. 😛

The next bit of barbecue humour involves another dumb bloke who pushes his wife just a little bit too far.

As Wide As A Barbecue

Bob and his wife were working in their garden one day when Bob looks over at his wife and says, ” Man, your butt seems to be getting really big. I wouldn’t be surprised if your butt is bigger than the barbecue.” With that, Bob goes and gets a measuring tape. He measures the grill and then goes over to where his wife was working and measures his wife’s arse.

“Yep, I was right, your butt is 4cm wider than the barbecue!” The wife ignores the husband. Later that night, Bob was feeling a little frisky. He makes some advances towards his wife, who completely brushes him off. “What’s wrong?” he asks. She answers, “Do you really think I’m going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie.

You’re here, reading this post because you’re someone who loves, or is looking for laughs right? So, why not check out my other Friday Funnies posts

You should also check out my Laughaholics Videos, especially my funniest Greek joke video. You’ll find heaps of funny videos there. You may even want to subscribe to my channel. I’m always looking for new subscribers.

Jokes aside, if you would like to improve the quality of your photos you will love my Luminar 3 Review.

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Elderly Humour Friday Funnies #358

I’ve written quite a few Elderly Jokes for Friday Funnies, and I see no reason why I shouldn’t add to my elderly humour posts. The first of my elderly humour stories is about an old couple in their seventies who are about to be married.

Elderly Humour #1

An elderly couple reaching their 70s are about to get married, but before they say their vows, the woman wanted to talk.
She said: “I want to keep my house.
He said: “That’s fine with me.”
She said: “I want to keep my Car.
He said: “That’s fine with me.”
She said: “And I want to have sex 6 times a week.
He said: “Put me down for Fridays.

Before my next elder humour joke I have a few elderly humour images.

elderly humour
elderly humour

Elderly Wisdom

This next bit of elderly humour is funny because the young of today have no idea what it used to be like.

Someone  asked the other day, ‘What was your favourite  ‘fast food’ when you were growing up?’

‘We didn’t have fast food when I was growing up,’ I  informed him. All the food was slow.’  

‘C’mon, seriously.. Where did you  eat?’  

‘It was a place called ‘home,” I explained.  !’Mum cooked every day and when Dad got home from work, we sat down together at the dining room table, and if I didn’t like what she put on my plate, I was allowed to sit there until I did like it.’

By this time, the lad was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to suffer serious internal damage, so I didn’t tell him the part about how I had to have permission to leave the table.

But here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood if I’d figured his system could have handled it: Some parents NEVER owned their own house, wore jeans,  set foot on a golf course, travelled out of the country or had a credit card.

My parents never drove me to school. I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds, and only had one speed  (slow).

We didn’t have a television in our house until I was 10.

It was, of course, black and white,  and the station went off the air at 10 PM, after playing the national anthem and epilogue; it came back on the air at about 6 am. And there was usually a locally produced news and farm show on, featuring local people.

Pizzas were not delivered to our home. But milk was.

All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers 

Film stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the films. There were no movie ratings because all movies were responsibly produced for everyone to enjoy viewing, without profanity or violence or almost anything offensive.

If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you might want to share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren.  Just don’t blame me if they bust a gut laughing.

Growing up isn’t what it used to be, is it?

Finally, a couple more elderly humour images.

elderly humour
elderly humour

The fact that you’re here, reading this post, shows me you’re someone who loves, or is looking for laughs so don’t forget to check out my other Friday Funnies posts

You should also check out my Laughaholics Videos, especially my funniest Greek joke video. You’ll find heaps of funny videos there. You may even want to subscribe to my channel. I’m always looking for new subscribers.

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