First Date Joke

This first date joke isn’t the funniest joke I’ve posted but because it’s a true story I thought it deserves mention

Funny First Date Joke

If you didn’t see this on the Tonight show, I hope you’re sitting down when you read it. This is probably the funniest first date joke ever, the first date or not!!! We have all had bad dates, but this takes the cake.

Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience.

There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!

She said it was midwinter…Snowing and quite cold… and the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City , Utah .

It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that a fternoon.

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Funniest Cat Joke Friday Funnies #360

Funniest cat joke? I get a lot emails containing jokes from my friends. So many that its kept Friday Funnies going for years. Today’s email is one of the funniest cat jokes, so funny that I had to include it in this weeks Friday Funnies post.

Funniest Cat Joke Ever

funniest cat joke

We were dressed and ready to go out for a dinner & theatre evening.

We turned on a ‘night light’, turned the answering machine on, covered
our pet parrot and put the cat in the backyard.  We phoned the local
taxi company and requested a taxi.  The taxi arrived, and we opened
the front door to leave the house.  As we walked out the door, the cat
we had put out in the yard scooted back into the house.

We didn’t want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to
get at the parrot.  My wife walked on out to the taxi, while I went
back inside to get the cat.  The cat ran upstairs, with me in hot
pursuit.

Waiting in the cab, my wife didn’t want the driver to know that the
house would be empty for the night so, she explained to the taxi
driver that I would be out soon.  “He’s just going upstairs to say
good-by to my mother.”

A few minutes later, I got into the cab.

“Sorry I took so long,” I said, as we drove away.

“That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her ass
with a coat hanger to get her to come out. She tried to take off, so I
grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep
her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her downstairs and
threw her out into the backyard! She’d better not shit in the
vegetable garden again!”

The silence in the Taxi was deafening.

Now, if that isn’t the funniest cat joke ever just let me know in the comments below.😎

Looking For More?

You’re here, reading this post because you’re someone who loves, or is looking for laughs right? So, why not check out my other Friday Funnies posts

You should also check out my Laughaholics Videos, especially my funniest Greek joke video. You’ll find heaps of funny videos there. You may even want to subscribe to my channel. I’m always looking for new subscribers.

Jokes aside, if you would like to improve the quality of your photos you will love my How to remove background from images.

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Barbecue Humour Friday Funnies #359

My first barbecue humour! I came across a couple of emails that I thought would be great for this weeks Friday Funnies which I’ve called barbecue humour because they both revolve around the humble barbecue.

Barbecue Humour – BBQ Rules

barbecue humour

We are about to enter the BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity . When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:

(1) The woman buys the food.

(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.

(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill – beer in hand.

(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three-meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.

Here comes the important part:
(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

(6) The woman goes inside to organise the plates and cutlery.

(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat

Important again:
(8) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.

(10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes

And most important of all:
(11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.

(12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed ‘ her night off ‘, and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there’s just no pleasing some women

Yeah, it doesn’t matter what we do for these women they’re never happy. 😛

The next bit of barbecue humour involves another dumb bloke who pushes his wife just a little bit too far.

As Wide As A Barbecue

Bob and his wife were working in their garden one day when Bob looks over at his wife and says, ” Man, your butt seems to be getting really big. I wouldn’t be surprised if your butt is bigger than the barbecue.” With that, Bob goes and gets a measuring tape. He measures the grill and then goes over to where his wife was working and measures his wife’s arse.

“Yep, I was right, your butt is 4cm wider than the barbecue!” The wife ignores the husband. Later that night, Bob was feeling a little frisky. He makes some advances towards his wife, who completely brushes him off. “What’s wrong?” he asks. She answers, “Do you really think I’m going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie.

You’re here, reading this post because you’re someone who loves, or is looking for laughs right? So, why not check out my other Friday Funnies posts

You should also check out my Laughaholics Videos, especially my funniest Greek joke video. You’ll find heaps of funny videos there. You may even want to subscribe to my channel. I’m always looking for new subscribers.

Jokes aside, if you would like to improve the quality of your photos you will love my Luminar 3 Review.

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