Friday Funnies #20 Mrs Brown Gets A Bikini Wax And Curing Your Tennis

Today, Friday 22nd of June is a notable milestone! Why is that you ask? Because it marks the day of the 20th post in the Friday Funnies series. That’s right, Friday Funnies has survived 20 weeks and it’s still going strong which makes me a happy blogger because I now know it makes you guys happy. And if you’re happy then I have every reason to be happy.

So what do I have for you today? After rifling through my many emails I came across an old joke that has been reworked a little. The joke was funny when I heard it all those years ago and it’s even funnier today because modern technology makes it more believable.

The Aldi Doctor

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike, “My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I’d better see a doctor.”

“Listen, you don’t have to spend that kind of money,” Mike replies. “There’s a diagnostic computer down at Aldi’s Supermarket. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what’s wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars. A lot cheaper than a doctor.”

So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Aldi’s.

He deposits ten dollars and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.

Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:

“You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping at Aldi’s.”

That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample from himself for good measure.

Joe hurries back to Aldi’s, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.

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Friday Funnies #19 The Laughing Bride And The Smart Cop

Yep, it’s Friday again and I know how excited you all are to be here for the latest in the Friday Funnies series.  :clap_tb: But, before I pull out the latest joke from my sleeve I want to tell you just a little bit about my last post.  :hairout_tb: Now, hang onto those hair follicles, it’s not all that bad, it’s just that I know a lot of my readers are fellow bloggers who are continually persecuted by spammers. Well, if that’s you then before reading the rest of the post, or perhaps after picking yourself up off the floor from laughter, head on over and read my post Where Has All The Spam Gone?, because honestly, since updating the plugin in question I’ve had some spare time on my hands.

Whew! Now that I’ve got that over with lets get back to the job in hand, making you guys laugh!  :thumbup_ee:

The Smart Motorcycle Cop

police officer on police motorcycle
police officer on police motorcycle (Photo credit: Metropolitan Police)

A police motorcycle officer stops a driver for shooting through a red light. The driver is a real bar steward, steps out of his car and comes striding toward the officer, demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo!

So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation. The motorist instantly goes on a tirade, questioning the officer’s ancestry, sexual orientation, etc., in rather explicit offensive terms.

The tirade goes on without the officer saying a dickybird.

When the officer finishes writing the ticket he puts an “AH” in the lower right corner of the narrative portion of the ticket. He then hands it to The ‘violator’ for his signature. The bloke signs the ticket angrily, and when presented with his copy points to the “AH” and demands to know what it stands for.

The officer says, “That’s so when we go to court, I’ll remember that you’re an arsehole!”

Two months later they’re in court. The ‘violator’ has a bad driving record and he has a heap of demerits and is in danger of losing his license, so he hired a lawyer to represent him.

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Friday Funnies #18 Man At Bar, Hypnotist Sex And Can’t Stop Laughing

Friday is finally here and that means its Friday Funnies time again and I know how much you guys are looking forward to that. First I’d like to thank all my list subscribers who have emailed me their appreciation, not only of the Friday Funnies series but also because of the extra joke they receive via their email notification when each WassupBlog post goes live. Thanks guys, and don’t forget, any jokes you send me via email that I use in the Friday Funnies series will include a link back to your site.

For this weeks Friday Funnies I thought I would treat you to two jokes involving women and how men to get in trouble around them because of something they’ve said or something they’ve done.  :devil_tb:

When A Man Says The Wrong Thing To Two Ladies At The Bar

I was in a pub on Saturday night. Had a few….If Wishing could Make it so
I noticed two large women by the bar.
They both had strong accents so I asked,
“Hey, are you two ladies from Scotland?”

One of them chirped: “It’s WALES you friggin’ idiot!”

So, I immediately apologized and said…,
“Sorry, are you two whales from Scotland ?”

That’s the last thing I remember…

Naturally you know that wasn’t me in the joke. although I have been known to put my foot in my mouth when talking to the fair sex  :dont_know:

OK, now for joke number two.

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