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Marriage Humour Friday Funnies #342

Marriage is a serious business and yet there is a hell of a lot of marriage humour floating around. Take this simple story of marriage humour of a poor husband denied a fishing trip with his mates.

Marriage Humour & The Fishing Trip

Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect camping and fishing trip. Two days before the group is to leave Frank’s wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn’t going. 

Frank’s friends are very upset that he can’t go, but there is nothing they can they do. 

A couple of days later the three arrived at the campsite only to find Frank sitting there, tent already up, firewood gathered and fish cooking on the fire. 

“Damn it, man, how long have you been here and how the hell did you talk your wife into letting you go?” 

“Well, I’ve been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening I was sitting in my chair when my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said ‘’Guess who?” 

I pulled her hands off and saw she was wearing a brand new see through nightdress. She then took my hand and took me to our bedroom. The room had two dozen candles and rose petals all over. 

 Then, slowly she said, “Now do whatever you want.” 

Here I am.

How about this for a bit of marriage humour?

marriage humour

Don’t go away just yet, I have more marriage humour for you.

A man and woman, complete strangers, were on a train travelling together. As it turned out they had to sleep in the same carriage. After some embarrassment they decided she should have the top bunk while he slept in the lower one.

Minutes later the woman leans over saying, “It’s awfully cold, would you mind getting me another blanket?”

The man, rolls over, smiling and says, “I have a better idea, why don’t we pretend we’re married?”

The woman, admiring his incredible physique, giggles and says, “Sounds good to me.”

To which the man replies, “Good, get your own blanket.”

You thought that was funny, you should check out my disgruntled wife jokes. You could also check out some of my other hilarious jokes. Love funny videos? Then you’ve got to watch my funny laughaholics videos. While there, why not subscribe to my YouTube channel.

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Smart Parrot Jokes

For today’s Friday Funnies, I’ve put together a small collection of funny parrot jokes. As I’ve already used the ‘parrot jokes‘ keyword phrase in a previous post I thought I’d get around that by using smart parrot jokes for this post.

Smart Parrot Jokes #1

A burglar was busily stealing jewellery and valuables from a house, when a parrot on a perch behind him says, “Jesus is watching you.” 

The thief takes no notice and continues his stealing. The parrot repeats, ” Jesus  is watching you.”     

The thief becomes annoyed and snaps at the parrot, “Who do you think you are ?”    

The parrot says ” Moses!”     

“That’s a funny name for a parrot !”     

The parrot replies, “Not half as funny as a Rottweiler dog named “Jesus !”

smart parrot jokes

Smart Parrot Jokes #2

A man goes into a pet shop with the intention of buying a parrot. After a brief conversation the shop owner points to three identical looking parrots on a perch and says, “The parrot on the left costs $500.” 

“Bullshit,” says the man! “Why does that parrot cost so much?”

To which the owner replies, “Well, that parrot knows how to do legal research.”

The customer, astounded, then asks about the next parrot. To his surprise, he learned that the second parrot would set him back $1,000! The reason he was given was that it could do everything the other parrot could do as well as being able to write a brief that could win any case.

When he enquired about the last parrot he was told that it cost him $4,000! Not knowing what to expect the customer asked, “What can it do?”

The owner replies, “To be honest, I’ve never seen him do a darn thing, but the other two call him Senior Partner.”

Don’t forget to check out some of my other hilarious jokes. Love funny videos? Then you’ve got to watch my funny laughaholics videos. Also, don’t forget to subscribe to my YouTube channel.

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Funny Irish Friday Funnies #340

Oh, the Funny Irish.  :tongue_laugh_ee: I don’t know what it is about the Irish that folk continually make fun of them. I’m sure the Irish themselves don’t always appreciate all the so-called funny Irish jokes?  :hairout_tb:  

Nevertheless, there’s a sleuth of funny Irish jokes out there with more appearing all the time. Take the following funny Irish joke I got in an email today.

Mick & Paddy Funny Irish Altercation

Mick: I’ve been going to Night Classes every night for 5 months now.
Paddy: Oh!
Mick:  For example, do you know who Alexander Graham Bell is?
Paddy:  No
Mick:  He’s the inventor of the phone in 1876;
If you took night classes you’d know this.

The  next day:

Mick:  Do you know who Alexander Dumas is?
Paddy:  No
Mick:  He’s the author of “The 3 Musketeers”.
If you took night classes, you’d know this.

The next day….once  again:

Mick:  And do you know who Jean-Jacques Rousseau is?
Paddy:  No
Mick:  He’s the author of “The Confessions”
If you took night classes, you’d know this.

This  time, Paddy got irritated and said:
And you Mick … Do you know who Sean Reilly is?
Mick:  No.
Paddy:  He’s the fellow who’s bonking your wife?
If you stopped going to night classes, you’d know this!

Funny Irish

Before I go, I’m going to show you my latest YouTube video, about the Funniest Top 10 babies and toddlers video.

This is my first attempt at producing a funny babies video so I really hope you’ll get a kick out of it. If you haven’t already, I’d be stoked if you would do me the honour of subscribing to my Bonzer Channel.

If you’re looking for some laughs, then you check out some of my hilarious jokes.

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Breeding Bulls Friday Funnies #339

Who ever thought that breeding bulls would be funny? I certainly didn’t, until I found this joke in my email. Then again, it’s not so much the breeding of bulls that is funny as the story behind it is. I think it’s best that you read the following for yourself.

My wife and I went to the Royal Agricultural Show, and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls. We went up to the first pen, and there was a sign attached that said…..

Breeding Bulls THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR

breeding bulls

My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs, smiled and said, ‘He mated 50 times last year, that’s almost once a week.’ 

We walked to the second pen which had a  sign attached that said…

THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR

breeding bulls-2

My wife gave me a healthy jab and said, ‘WOW~~That’s almost 3 times a week! You could learn a lot from him.’

We walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in capital letters…

THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR

breeding bulls-3

My wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs, and said, ‘That’s once a day!You could REALLY learn something from this one.’ 

I looked at her and said, ‘Why don’t you go over and ask him if it was with the same cow?’

breeding bulls-ouch

My condition has been upgraded from critical to stable and I should eventually make a full recovery.

Don’t forget to check out some of my other hilarious jokes. Love funny videos? Then you’ve got to watch my funny laughaholics videos. Also, don’t forget to subscribe to my YouTube channel.

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