When you are an Immortal, time is nowhere near as fleeting as when you thought your days were actually finite. I remember how time used to almost stand still when I was a kid and then as I got older time seemed to simply fly right on by. That was before I knew I was immortal, and now I have learned to live with the knowledge that one day will always follow another, forever and ever. There have been many Immortals that couldn’t accept this fact but the few that remain have learned that acceptance and purpose was the key to living with longevity.

I discovered that my purpose was to help people where possible, to make their days a bit less stressful and perhaps to incite a bit of laughter every now and again. Today was the beginning of the harvest in the town of Hahndorf. I had picked a spot on a hill overlooking the workers to entertain my small group of young villagers, those who were either too young or otherwise incapacitated to help. Four young wards and the busty Illianora who came on the pretense of helping me keep them in line but who I knew really wanted something a lot more sensual from the town bard. Who knows, perhaps tonight after the harvest festivities I will accommodate her.

I waited for them to settle down, Alforone, a lively boy of 9 years who was forever getting into trouble, the last escapade the cause of his broken arm. Mystial his 6 year old sister who continually looks at her big brother with big round proud eyes. Gritalom, who broke his leg because the kangaroo he was teasing decided he had enough and a well aimed kick taught him a bit of respect for this domesticated mammal. Finally we have Jandoram, who at 14 should really be down there helping the rest of the villagers, but I pulled a few strings so that I can keep him away from Kilander his abusive stepfather.

OK, I know some of you want to help with the harvest but as fate has it you will have to listen to a story instead. So, what yarn shall I spin for you this fine morning? Alforone was the quickest on the mark as he yells out, Tell as about the days of the Google Monster! I think you mean the Google Tyrant, the greatest of all mages, but yes I must agree Google was a bit of a monster in a lot of peoples eyes.

It all began in a time long ago, a time when wizards abounded, but in those days they were called bloggers, the greatest of all was known as ProBlogger. Their great power revolved around the Word and the magic that they could weave all depended on the prowess of the individual blogger. The greater the blogger the more they were able to magically alter peoples thoughts. Generally for the good but there were  some who only had evil intentions. The thing is that Google saw the great power that they had and he wanted to be a part of what they could do.

There was only one way that Google could influence these bloggers, and that was through their greed. He offered them great riches every time they were able to influence peoples thoughts with a snippet of diabolical code called a script that they placed within people’s minds. Many succumbed to Google but the dreadful Tyrant was not happy until he could get all the bloggers under his power. Who can tell me the name of the minions that Google used to spy on these wizards?  Mystial with a squeal of glee yells out, The Googlebots.

Yes indeed Mystial, you have done well tonight remembering those tales of old. The Googlebots, an army of mindless beings, an army that Google himself brought to a semblance of life, whose sole purpose was to spy on all the bloggers and to report back to their master everything that they did or said, especially if any blogger spoke to another blogger without casting the nofollow spell. The most important instruction that was woven into the Googlebots was that they had to be on the look out for any blogger who had the audacity to accept paid links, for Google felt that they were encroaching on his domain, for only Google was able to accept money for links. Any blogger found guilty of this offense received the mighty Google Slap, a slap of such ferocity that it sent out vibrations felt by every blogger around the globe.

It was right then that I was forced to pause as Illianora bent over intentionally reavealing her ample cleavage, and it still amazes me that even after 600 odd years, something so simple could still raise those sexual desires within me. Gritalom used the pause to say, What of your great ancestor, was he afraid of the Google Slap? His question jolted me back to reality and I replied. Of course not, Sire Of Wassup wasn’t afraid of anything, let alone something so insignifacant as the Google Slap. His knowledge of lore was so great that he was able to make use of the powerful robots.txt, a magical potion that kept his great knowledge hidden from the  GoogleBots. However, there was a time before he was able to decipher the incantation of the robots.txt when Googles minions told their master of two of his lesser blogs, and Google in his wrath slapped his PR clean off, but Sire Of Wassup Only Laughed! Fortunately, by that time he had incorparated the robots.txt and Google was oblivious to his mirth.

For many years Google grew in power, and the stronger he got the greater his tyranny spread. So great and powerful was Google that he did not notice when other mages appeared, Yahoo and MSN were the first to try an ursurp his power. Google merley laughed and absorbed the weaker getting ever stronger, but there came a time when even the Tyrant succumbed to those he despised for their weakness.

There is a lesson here that you must all learn! Remember that power can corrupt even the best of us, with power comes great responsibility and it is better to treat those under you with respect and by showing them that you value them they will pledge you their undying loyalty.

Other posts in the

• Sire, The Wandering Bard series.
• Sire’s Big Moment A Total Flop

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