In a time not so long ago, when Rundle Mall first became South Australia’s main shopping district, there lived in the nearby suburb of Elizabeth a typical Aussie couple, Dastardly Darryl and Big Bertha. Just like any other couple who have been married for some years they had settled into a routine where the male works his butt off and the female spends all his money.

It wasn’t always like that as things were very different before the birth of Rundle Mall. Big Bertha used to be just like any other woman that stayed home, loyally making sure that the house was clean, the bed was warm and her husband content. Once Rundle Mall came to life and Big Bertha and all the other women discovered shopping they became so drunk with the lust for specials that man’s idyllic life came to an abrupt end.

There wasn’t a man alive that could control them anymore. Yet the men remembering a time when men were men that it was Dastardly Darryl who was the toughest of them all. The men got together and after much discussion, and a lot of beer drinking, a large group of them converged on Darryl’s doorstep with a case of Johnny Walker for they heard that Johnny Walker gave you balls.

Unfortunately the case of scotch only made him drunk beyond belief and whilst staggering in a drunken stupor he stumbled and fell. As luck would have it he fell right over a small Bunyip, a magical creature, pinning him with his large carcass. This particular Bunyip was not like the Bunyips of Aboriginal lore as he was able to grant one wish, so long as Darryl would free him. Darryl remembering those days before Rundle Mall when men had control and women lived under a glass ceiling realized that the biggest difference was that in those days men had the balls to deal with these situations.

With that in mind Dastardly Darryl wished that he had balls, but not just any old balls he wanted the biggest balls of all. He wanted big stainless steel balls, balls that would clang as he walked striking fear into all the shopaholic women! Big reflective, shining stainless steel balls so that those who would dare gaze upon them would see what they had become and yearn for the days when men supported them. Balls so bloody big that even Big Bertha’s mutton chop hands could not crush them.

His wish granted, after many hours of traveling Dastardly Darryl approached Rundle Mall, his demeanor terrifying and the clanging of his balls striking fear in all women, all except Big Bertha, her shop crazed mind too far gone to see reason. They faced each other at opposite sides of the mall under an overcast sky filled with lightening and thunder. It was high noon as they approached each other, Darryl’s big balls banging together with a noise louder than the thunder itself. They meet in the center of the Mall and Big Bertha Grabs his balls and squeezes with such force but to no avail as Dastardly Darryl merely chortles with mirth.

This is too much for Big Bertha, who opens her mouth and lets forth a long terrifying screech pitched so high that it shattered his ear drums. The ensuing vibrations from the scream caused the balls to vibrate so much that that they fell right off Darryl and he collapsed. As the fell, Big Bertha saw her reflection in them and as her jaw dropped she decided that she definitely needed to fix her mascara and then remembered that David Jones had a sale on.

To this day the Rundle Mall Balls are on display and there are many who swear that they have seen Big Bertha madly shopping in some of the stores.

Sell photos on photrade | By Sire